The “Idea” of Him


Attraction is a funny thing.  The things that cause us to be attracted to people are sometimes very random. We can be attracted to physical traits or character or a combination of the two.  For me, I find that character is a bigger point of attraction; but of course, there has to be some physical attraction in order for me to want to get to know his character.

I am attracted to this guy… I actually like him.  My friends tell me that I don’t like him.  They say, instead, I am only attracted to the “idea” of him.  Hmmm.  That is something to ponder.  Maybe there is some truth to what they are saying.

There’s a difference between loving the idea of someone and actually loving who they really are.”  – White Collar

Because character (perceived or otherwise) is a bigger point of attraction for me, I realize that falling in love or like with the idea of someone is probably highly likely for me.  I think many women have this same problem.  And yes, it is a problem.  Despite a person’s character, there still must be a sincere connection beyond your perceptions.  The other problem is that the “idea” of someone rarely becomes reality.

Suit and iVORI

Ivori trying to get me to pick her up during the photo session

From a young age, we begin to develop the ideal mate or our “Mr. Right.” For some, the ideal mate is someone like your father, for others it is the tall, handsome, athletic “bad boy”, for others it is the established gentleman who will cater to your every desire and still for others it is the quintessential church boy.  For me, my Mr. Right is a combination of the 4.  Unrealistic?  Maybe, maybe not. 🙂  But, it is difficult to meet someone who actually fits a mold we have spent years perfecting.  As a result, we cling to men who are an idealization, meaning they are normally (not always) more appealing when we think about them (in the abstract) than when we are in their presence (in reality).  Men do this too; my ex was in love with the idea of me, as opposed to actually being in love with me.

denim and tulle

As I near my 30th birthday (just days away!!), I have become a lot more introspective.  I know that it is unhealthy to cling to the idea of someone.  It is just as unhealthy to cling to the idea that that same someone will suddenly get his act together and realize how meant to be the two of you really are.  I am praying for the ability to get over the “idea” of him because clinging to the idea of someone/anyone blocks you, me, all of us from the reality of something better – the man God has pre-ordained for our lives.

But if any of you lack wisdom, you should pray to God, who will give it you; because God gives generously and graciously to all.  –James 1:5 (GNT)

Today, I pray that you take inventory of your emotions.  Pray for discernment to recognize and not to ignore misgivings about and potential shortcomings of men in whom you are interested. If there are any men you are clinging to the idea of or obsessing over, ask God to remove those thoughts.  When you do (ask) and after He has (removed), you will feel so much lighter – physically and mentally. 🙂

Peace and blessings!

P.S. 30 is going to be awesome! I’m almost, if not more excited, about this birthday than when I became a really teenager (13). 🙂 

P.P.S.  Check out my logo (at the very top).  Any thoughts?



One thought on “The “Idea” of Him

  1. Very Interesting! I’m sure you already know this; but you just need to be reminded from time to time. GOD does not answer our prayers when we want HIM to, or how we want HIM to do so. However, HE answers in HIS time. One of my constant prayers is that HE will bless you and other young women like you with an “Authentic Christian Man,” (a real man in every sense of the word). My prayer is that this man will love you unconditionally just as GOD loves each of us. That being said, he will accept you “Just the Way You Are.” He will appreciate you for the wonderful young woman you have become in Christ Jesus. He will appreciate you for your kindness, your gentleness, your loving and giving spirit. This young man will understand to the fullest extent what a marvelous gift GOD has blessed him with – in you!
    We are admonished to “Seek ye first the Kingdom of GOD, and HIS righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” (Matthew 6:33) We will continue to be patient and wait on GOD.
    To GOD Be the Glory for the things HE has done and continues to do. Much Love!

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