Dating is one thing. Dating while celibate is quite another thing. I’ve been celibate for a little while now. So, in that time, I’ve had to tell a number of guys that I am living the celibate life! 🙂 But, if you are like me, before you tell a man, you always wonder how to tell him, when to tell him and what his reaction will be. And telling him is not always easy. But, it can certainly make for an interesting conversation. If you are celibate and dating, the conversation is a must – some would say sooner rather than later. But, don’t get me wrong. You don’t have to disclose your celibacy to every man who ever asks you on a date or asks for your number. That would be kind of weird and situationally akward.
My personal preference is to wait until he mentions sex. But, I wondered what others thought. So I asked two of my celibate friends – 1 male, 1 female. Photos of their responses are below.
A few years ago Lyfe Jennings recorded a song entitled Statistics – some of the lyrics are: “Tell him that you’re celibate And if he wants some of your goodness he gon have to work for it.”
Whether you tell him you are celibate immediately, after the first date or when he initiates the topic of sex, you have to mean what you say. I don’t agree with what Lyfe says in that part of the song (even though he makes very valid points in other parts of the song). Don’t say you’re celibate, to make a man think you’re a good girl. Don’t say you’re celibate because it sounds cool. If you say it, say it, mean it AND live it. Your actions speak volumes. This I know. So, if you say you’re celibate, but you spend the night at his place (in his bed) and vice versa that is not sending the right message to him or to yourself. When you behave in a way that doesn’t correspond to what you are saying, you can’t be surprised when a man tries to go a little to far.
When it comes to telling guys I’m celibate, I’ve heard it all – “Why would you do that?” “But, you’re pretty.” “But, this. But that. And the list goes on. There are really only a few ways that men handle the information – they accept it and give a relationship a try (these responses are few in number 🙂 ), they reject you and the idea OR they see your lifestyle as a personal challenge to prove to they still have it – whatever “it” is. smh The latter response is one that I feel is more prevalent than even the straight out rejection, which is what I would prefer.
In this day and age, it is unlikely that you will meet a celibate man. But, don’t be discouraged. My friend has often told me that the man who thinks I’m special will at least give celibacy a try. So, that is what I want you to remember. I also want you to remember that you are beautiful. You are worthy. You are special. If he has honorable intentions and thinks you are special, he will give celibacy a serious try. This I also know! 🙂
Permanent, unconditional love is what you want. So, be patient and wait on that.
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