Now that I have your attention, I’ll get to the real point. 🙂 Being a Christian Single can be difficult. With that being the case, I look for every opportunity to strengthen my resolve. Several weeks ago I attended a singles conference sponsored by the I.M.A.G.E. Ministry at Elizabeth Baptist Church here in Atlanta. Both nights were awesome, but this post is about the 2nd night when the guest pastor was Rev. Dr. R. A. Vernon. His topic was entitled “Welcome to the One Night Stand.” During his message he reviewed his 10 Rules of Dating. I’m going to share them with you, but I strongly encourage you to buy the book. I did, and I have been blessed by it. I am even planning on sharing it with friends. In the book, each rule begins a new chapter. In that chapter are anecdotes and scripture references. Below, I have listed each rule and a few notes about that rule.
10 RULES OF DATING
Rule 1: There Must be Physical Attraction: Although looks aren’t everything, date someone with the physical attributes that you like. Are you attracted to your mate? Proverbs 5:19
Rule 2: They Must Love Jesus: Do not date anyone who does not love Jesus more than they love you. Is your mate a Christian? Amos 3:3
Rule 3: There Must be Compatibility and Connectivity: Can you talk about more than Jesus and shared interests? If you need an intellectual, get one.
Rule 4: Discuss Each Other’s Past: This will help determine the presence (or lack thereof) of emotional baggage, sexual expectations within the marriage, how they were raised, past experiences, etc. Rev. Dr. Vernon suggests asking and discussing number of sexual partners. (My Caveat: Only do this if you think you can accept this information and not bring it up in future arguments.) There are some really wonderful people who don’t qualify for a future with you based upon past decisions (financial, sexual, etc.)
Rule 5: Discuss Children: Do you both want them; could you do without; or does he or she already have a child/children? Choosing not to date a person with children, doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you honest about the life you want with your future spouse.
Rule 6: Talk About Money: Discuss finances. Talk about your financial reality, not your financial potential. How much money do you both have right now (not how much do you one day plan on having)?
Rule 7: Pace Yourself/Slow Down: What’s the rush? You have nothing but time. Slowing down will allow for time to think and more importantly clearly hear from God concerning this person.
Rule 8: Engage or Disengage: Pee or get off the pot. If you are not dating with the purpose of getting married, what are you doing? Date with a purpose. You can go out for dinner and drinks with your platonic friends. After 1 year (2 at the most), you should be ready to get engaged. If not, disengage and go your separate ways.
Rule 9: Go to Counseling: Be honest about your issues. Seek individual counseling before marital counseling.
Rule 10: Don’t Touch: Rev. Dr. Vernon encourages no hugging because hugging leads to kissing, kissing leads to touching and touching leads to sex. But, a better question to ask is, “Is this person willing to wait until marriage?”My 3 Takeaways for You: (1) Date Purposefully/ Date on Assignment. (2) Ask the important questions up front; and be prepared to cut ties if the answer is unacceptable to you. (3) Buy the Book.
Love, peace and blessings,
P.S. Fall is here!!! I think fall is my favorite season. I am introducing some new soaps for fall. They are Apple Spice (below), Pumpkin Spice (below), Cinnamon Oatmeal, Honeyed Ginger, Spiced Cranberry and Just Soap. There will also be a few more great fragrances for Christmas. Visit the website and order yours today by clicking here.